What's in a NAME

My friend (Ajmal Bhopal) has written in his Urdu blog about 'name' and I read some comments but I cant write Urdu, so I am writing my own here for those who may feel interested
Yes, there is no doubt Rasoolullah SAWS did advise to choose good names for your children and it is true some people, usually out of ignorance, will name their children without some meaning and some will go to the extreme of "celebrating' something like one Sikh (I only heard about it, so dont quote me and this is not meant to be a joke or any demeaning statement about Sikhs either) named his son "Ike Singh" because child was born on the day of Ike's visit to Delhi.
However one thing about names in the West and especially US is that almost invariably the name is "shortened" (Like you see about General Eisenhour, shortened to Ike). So if Zakaria is changed to Zack and Maqsud is changed to Mack, it is not surprising.
Does that mean that we should start 'keeping American names" instead of our usual Muslim names?
I dont agree with that. I think we should continue following our Prophet's teaching, but not get'disappointed' on hearing its short version. I remember Moeen Akhter (the celebrated commediene of pakistan) saying something of that kind in a satirical fashion and I did not disagree with the satire (not in Pakistan). Here in USA name- shortening is "cultural norm" with high degree of approval (such expression is indicative of love rather than disrespect--like in England somebody tells you "you can call me by first name" which means he considers you a close friend)
My friend here tells me of his PhD degree which when he obtained his teacher told him that' now you can call me Bill' (not the true name), but being a Pakistani and well grounded in "eastern" tradition of respect for the teacher) my friend could not muster enough strength to say those words. When he repeated the "Doctor so and so" third time, the teacher got almost annoyed and demanded from my friend to call him Bill. An Englishman on the other hand would have continued to "enjoy the respect", indefinitely. (That is the cultural thing also)
Having lived in USA for so long now I feel that shortening the name does not necessarily mean "bigarrna". So you can now label me "Americanized"
I have much more to talk about the name because my own name is kind of 'rare' (very uncommon even in Pakistan) I do like my name a lot and salute my father who chose it.
It is only in the last few years of my life (and strangely, only in USA) that I have met two Wahaj-s, Of course one is "Siraj Wahaj" which is a 'double-barrel' name and not quite like my single barrrel. I could go on about my name but I still have not seen any "Wahajud-Din".
I must stop here because I have had so much more experience about my name during the last X number of years, that this blog will become an essay,( a sachchi kahani and lumbee).

Jum'ah Journal-ICR

Yes this is the way it looks today. Inside we can accomodate 2000 or more persons for congregation and also associated Gym opens up that increases the accomodation to More than 3000 (total),, that's my guess.
Alhamdulillah this is totally financed by us, very little from outside and I congratulate the community who opened up their hearts and wallets to see this day.
We have Muslims from many Arabic speaking and non-Arabic speaking countries, so it is a mixture of colors and cultures in addition to variety of Madzahib followers. No fightings or discussions although at the time of Eidain and Ramadhan there is always some but because all of us take our Imam's decision to be final, problems have subsided since last few years.
Hoping this will be just another milestone in the Muslim history of Raleigh-Durham Area (Also called Triangle area). I pray for our community to stay on the right path and remain together always- Ameen

Jum'ah Journal-Muslims in America

I wonder if you have ever stopped to think on this fact that America is a unique place where such a huge variety of Muslims have been gathered to gether byAllah SWT. (and there may be a higher purpose for it too)
"And among His signs is the creation of Heavens and the earth and the variations in your languages and colors: verily in that there are signs for those who know" (S.Room, Aya 22)
Reminders from our Creator of what He has accomplished in our creation and that of heavens and earth so that we can ponder over these things, know them and wonder and realize that only He could do it. About the Man two things mentioned here, languages and colors. Of course there are several other things common and different in us (and also all human beings), but let us just reflect on these two here, for now.
Rev. Jesse Jackson calls these different 'colors' as "rainbow" and I remember he was reminded of that in the ISNA annual conference he was invited to attend, long time ago. There was this variety of the Muslims from all over America but really representing all communities of the world, the Middle East, The far East, European peoples, Indian and Pakistani and Bangla Deshi peoples Indonasians and you name it, they all were there in the crowd he was facing.
Allah SWT, in this verse is referring to these 'colors' and these languages.
The structural apparatus of throat, larynx, pharynx, nose mouth teeth and tonge etc. are all the same and yet the words (that have meanings) come out so differently and make up a totally different language in each group. The face, head, neck body arms and legs being the same and yet they are clearly distinguishable from one another, each individual. In this particular situation all of them glorifying one and only Allah 'Azza wa Jalla, worshipping the one.
"We have indeed created man in the best of moulds" (S. XCV, Aya 4)
".......And has given you shapes, and made your shapes beautiful...." (S.LXIV, Aya 3)
Unity within the diversity and diversity within the unity. Marvel at the creation of the One and Only, the real Creator of all, folks
And of course the rainbow colors were also created by Him, from 'one light'. And lastly the reminder in the famous verse of S. Al-Hujurat, (49th), verse number 13
"O! mankind We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female and made you into nations and tribes, that ye may know each other, (and not that ye despise each other). Verily the most honored of you in the sight of Allah is (he , who is) the most righteous of you...."

Jum'ah Journal ---Sad news and Good news

The mother was walking with her children and at a crossing, her children rushed to cross, while the lights were red and were hit by a vehicle, a 9 year old and a 7 year old, both died (Inna lillah-i-wa inna ilaihi raaji-oon) The eye-witnesses say the mother could do nothing. I am just coming home after Janazah prayer.
Jum'ah (third shift) was heavy, must be more than 1000 persons (I had already prayed in the second shift, had to come home and returned) I dont know the Muslim family. There were quite a few non-Muslims too. Very sad indeed.

However, it so happens, that today we are to celebrate the opening of our new extension of our masjid and the programs begin after maghrib. Chief guest from abroad is Shaikh Jibril, the celebrated top most Qari of the present Muslim world (I guess I am not exaggerating). Perhaps some local officials are invited too etc.
I have seen this masjid--Islamic center develope from scratch, the total expenses now are over 5 miilion, but we do have a beautiful masjid masha-Allah now and yes frequented by Muslims regularly. Just to tell you the beginnings, when our President said we want to build Islamic center here in Raleigh for 200,000. dollars, I thought he was overstating (I was vice president and could have been happy with half that amount). The community has increased enormously.
The present completion of extension is a credit to our community indeed who raised the funds totally locally opening out their hearts along with their wallets and worked very hard, all the volunteers, chairpersons of various committees and of course the planning and construction committee. May Allah reward all of them richly in this as well as the world hereafter. Will give you a bit more and the photo tomorrow insha-Allah.

Sunday Surkhi--AG Student in NC

There is along discussion in today's paper about NC school students who are below the 'grade level' and those who are 'Academically Gifted'. There is increased state funding specially provided for those children who need extra help to bring them up to grade level. That raised concerns about the Academically Gifted (AG) students who, in many counties of NC are not being provided enough to run the state mandated programs for them (AG ones).
Over 11% of the enrolled students staewide are tested to be AG, the most concentrated AG students are in the Chapel Hill area (29% of the enrolled). This is all very encouraging and quite a difference from the times when my children were in school.
Not because of the gifted children we had, but more because of us (Both parents professionally interested in the Human Brain and its functions), the question of AG students was frequently under discussion in our home. How to recognize and how to help them. Where the schools did not provide enough challenge we did and kept our kids occupied even during summer holidays with exciting travels and challanges, giving them less 'break' time than most other kids. The kids did enjoy most of it and went along with our ways. Some of the teachers felt, however, we did too much and our kids were getting 'less childhood' than what they deserved. We were however wondering what is "too much". We had continued to expose our kids to challanges academic as well as non academic with "their consent" (we would restrict only when they would say they dont enjoy or they dont want it).
We had started when we observed somewhat keen eyes of our first-born(at a younger age than usual) and his visuo-spatial orientations and visuo-auditory associations and his excitement and keen-ness (which, by the way each child shows on learning first things be they visual, linguistic , auditory or whatever-- watch the gleeful face of your youngone when he/she learns to say his first word for example). Be that as it may we enjoyed our children's childhood and teaching them everything what they wanted to learn and have no regrets.
A lot of brain matter (in the frontal regions for example) remains "redundant" (so to say) and does not have a 'function' attached to it. So the question is could we draw upon this matter for extra functioning in some way, so as to enhance the "intelligence" or capacity for performance? Is it "going waste" and could we by some means try to engage it for extra function? I had a long discussion with a non-neurologist colleague of mine some times ago. I am still not aware of any study where such a question has been tried for testing starting fron birth of a child.
The opposite of that has recently come to my attention. A tragic case of a child unexposed to language for almost 14 years has been described in neurologic literature and I am looking for further reports on that case (last report 1974). I am not good in looking at the specific questions on the internet (Computer jahil as I am). May be some others like you can update me or refer me to more recent articles.
Suffice it to say that human intelligence is dependent on language of some sort for its expression or measurement. So I wish to see how this tool (language) is used for these purposes.

Jum'ah Journal- Children-parent relations

"Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him and that ye be kind to parents, whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them but address them in terms of honor." XVI, 23rd Aya
"And We have enjoined on Man (to be good) to his parents; in travail upon travail did his mother bear him and in years twain was his wearing:( hear the command) "Show gratitude to Me and to your parents; to Me is thy final goal. But if they strive to make thee join in worship with me things of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not; yet bear them company in this life with justice and consideration......." S. XXXI, ayat 14 and 15.
Really speaking these ayat contain the crux of the matter I wish to talk about. Starting from the last part. Child must obey parents in everything except if the parents ask him to commit 'shirk'. And then again not obeying in that does not mean you become mean to them but pass your life with them in a "ma'roof" way (when you are living with them as well as when you find yourself another home of your own with your own children and wife)
Obeying means listening to their demands and performing according to their wishes to their satisfaction. Child may have difference of opinion and does not want to obey according to the parental judgement (like, when grown up like teen age or older) and thinks his/her judgement is better. What to do?
Dont say "NO, you are wrong, I think......" Here is your 'terms of honour' that should come out and I dont want to teach you English in this note.
But obeying is extremely important just like it was when the child was learning to speak or learning to walk etc. and your mother or father were trying to guide you.
Unfortunately, in American culture and language commonly used "terms of honor" are scanty (may be currently ignored) and especially so with people who are around you most of the time of the day and night--the parents and who are constantly trying to guide you through your problems, which may appear to you as 'interfering with activities of the young'. Frequently heard , "O! dad, you dont know" or "You dont understand". Re member the story of S. Kahaf when Musa AS wanted to learn from Khidr AS. Some times it may appear to be wrong to you but may be better in the eyes of your parents. (Cant make enough story for 'obeying')
There is something more I wish to bring out that we the older persons know and the younger ones do not.
When we were children, we were allowed to sit in the company of olders for listening and learning AND to learn HOW TO SIT in the company of elders, parents, teachers etc., how to ask questions and what to learn. (Today's children 'hate' to sit with elders)
Times have changed and children dont get time to sit in the company of elders any more. If that was the only thing may be it was not so bad but what makes it worse is that THAT TIME IS SPENT with TV, Computer, Stereo and other 'spoiling type gadgets' of today. Whereas these things are designed to 'entertain' is OK but unfortunately in the process of entertaining they end-up 'teaching' bad attitudes, bad language, bad behavior etc.
O! yes, I am quite familiar with bad language and bad behavior that I learnt in my school and college days and yes there was occasional fellow trying to enjoy things like charas and bhang, but these persons were 'outlaws' type not the usual students with whom you would hang out with. I did not 'learn' these expressions to be part of my everyday use of terms but precisely, in order to avoid them. (Comparatives for culture and timings).
Showing gratitude to parents is mentioned here because you may think, "it is the duty of the parents to provide you with all comforts etc. anyway, so what is the big deal"
So the Almighty reminds us of the troubles taken by mother for bringing you into this world and nursing and nurturing you in which process she has to sacrifice all her pursuits whatever they may be. (That also gives a sign towards the well-known hadis of the prophet SAWS that mother has three times as much worthiness of your respect as your father).
Will come back next week insha-Allah for more if needed. Words of advice should be brief which is very difficult for me for two reasons
I dont have as much command on English (or for that matter in other languages either)
I am not wise enough (old yes, but not wise as much as I would like to be in this discussion).
May Allah bless you. If your parents are not in this world, pray for them today.

Sunday Surkhi--Pakistani

Happy Pakistan Day to all my Pakistani friends An important day, for prayer for longevity of the country and its sildarity. News of a new PM for Pakistan also and we pray this will bring new spirit to the new government. May Allah guide all the leaders of Pakistan to make it a wonderful country that we had dreamt about, on 23rd of March 1940 in Lahore .

 "THERE IS NO WEALTH LIKE INTELLIGENCE AND NO POVERTY LIKE IGNORANCE" (Nahjul-Balagha)

Jum'ah Journal-- Parenting in USA

I have made some remarks about parent's responsibilities in my blogs of 2/27, 3/11 and 3/16/07 where I was talking about life before birth especially from Islamic view-point.
Today I would like to remind everyone of you/us about what parenting involves in the USA (or for that matter in the West in general). This is about Islamic attitudes but they are good for all the peoples for following and comparing.
Start with 15th Aya of S. Taghabun "Your riches and your children may be but a trial: but in the presence of Allah is the highest award." Same words are noted in S. 8th, aya 28.
Caution being given by the Almighty is the same that worldly goods and provisions for the family (for the love of children) should not tempt you to transgress and betray the pure values and morals being taught. So Assad (Rahemahullah) uses two words to translate 'fitna': trial and temptation.
Here first thing to note is that gathering 'worldly goods and riches' is not being frowned upon but what is being frowned upon is attachment to these two (and wives) things where you may forget your Creator and end up doing something wrong. Another similar aya is from S. Munafiqun 63rd sura, aya #9, "O ye who believe let not your riches or your children divert you from rememberance of Allah....." making it clear where is the parent's priority.
Yes, so it is the duty of Muslim man (wife may help, add, assist if needed or desired), to provide for the family. Love your children and everything you do for them to feed them clothe them provide home for them provide education for them for that love equally between boys and girls.
So far so good but the word education is being use here with more comprehensive meaning including "terbiyat" (English equivalents such as training, bringing-up etc. fall short of the whole meaning of "terbiyah"-in Arabic). As I had indicated before this responsibility starts even before birth of the child and both parents are responsible, mother's responsibility of the all important "terbiyat" (including education) is more (That is her duty and the father helps, adds, assists etc.)
She nurses and nurtures, inculcate in them the values of life to the best of her ability teaching them how to speak, how to respect, how to avoid bad words, how to understand difficulties of life and how to face them, how to solve those problems that arise in the schools and peers, how to stay away from bad influences in the society. What to enjoy on the TV shows and how to sort out which one not to watch and what games to play along with how to choose friends.
There are so amny 'how-to s" that parents guide their children with but that is what is the difficulty with parents--father and mother, both must promote and teach the same values.
Make a balance between time with parents, time with computers, time with telephones and time with TV. It is not possible to avoid these devices which can be both a valuable source of learning as well as sources of spoiling and corrupting the children. Let me assure you they will surely get corrupted unless you guide them closely, very closely indeed. Both of you have PLENTY OF TIME for your children for guiding them and talking to them about their problems in school or college or Universities or after their games, sports etc. father has no excuse because he has to work or watch his fav. games on TV and mother has no excuse that she has work to do (house work or her own office or carrier to follow). The more time the parents spend with children talking and explaining to them, less they will have chances of feeling sorry. Dining table is excellent for discussions. Never consider your child's statements outrageous, or childish or lacking experience. Let them express fully what ever they want to talk about; they will feel encouraged for talking only if they think their parents are as 'cool' as they themselves are.
The modern day gadgetry has made available to the children astonishing world, that opens up everything mixed good and bad, terrible and terrific, I think you know what I a m saying.
Even without all these things (like it was , say 50, 60 years ago) it was a difficult job for the parents always for all the sacrifices they have to make but now it is so much more difficult that I dont know how to encompass all the aspects for guidance for today's parents.
Take an example: children get up late, get ready, quick breakfast (including the parents) and rush to the schools. After school, children are in 'their room', equipped with TV, computer and not to mention the cell phones. They have fun with all these things and are busy. Dinner time mama calls them down, they come down, rush through the food and up they go again, dont have any time for talking to the "older people". However, it is dangerous to have an attitude of letting them make their own way "because they are going to do it anyway why try to stop them" and equally misguided would be the attitude of not having a TV or a computer at home etc. (the neighbour or a friend always has it) in order to avoid exposure of the child to all the bad things. Remember if the child has the feeling that communication channels with the parents are open any time, they will make use of that otherwise they dont have to :
because they get all their instructions of values from TV shows (I am not naming them), how to be 'smart' with parents and how to have a ready made answer to every question that some mother or father may have. Here I have to mention a bit of Eastern culture thing where the parents are given more respect along with the language differences. (American English does not have anything for respect for elders except "sir" or "Madame"
Admittedly the situation with these machines of today is very challanging for parents and hugely more difficult along with lesser times that today's parents have themselves from their jobs and specifically when both parents work (come back home tired and only want to relax in front of that fav. box). Even if one parent does not work outside, the situation remains very challanging and just as difficult, and of course that is understandable, but there is no gain in neglecting the "duty". Parenting is hard work, folks and that is an understatement.
You do your best and leave the results with the All Wise and Watcher over us. I'll end this note with the often quoted saying of the prophet SAWS (not exact again), "A child is born on fitrah of Islam, but the parents make him/her Christian, Jew or Majusi" Take it in this way then, that the child came into your life with a clean slate or a connected computer with no hardware or software, and you provide the hardware and software programs to this "computer", so dont let other software programs take advantge of the child in your care.
I may have made it look simple but I assure you I am fully aware of all the difficulties we as parents experience and I dont wish to be reckoned with as a preacher of some sort. I am myself not the ideal parent either, I know full well. I am just one of you all, no better and perhaps worse than many of you. Now I'll be ready for the children's duties and obligations insha-Allah

"THERE IS NO WEALTH LIKE INTELLIGENCE AND NO POVERTY LIKE IGNORANCE" (Nahjul-Balagha)

Wild-wilder-wildest

Actually the name is Wilders who ia making a 'documentry' about Qur'an in the Netherlands with desecration of the book. Dutch Prime Minister says when it is released it will be treated as "freedom of speech" with restrictions that Dutch Government has placed. Wilders wants Muslims out of Netherland (Like Neither land for for Muslims?). The Dutch Governement however has different laws, so nobody needs to worry.
A very nice article by ISNA president Dr. Ingrid Mattson is published and you may have read it already (I recommend it strongly, not just because I like her but also because I would like all Muslim leaders to write with that tone, as knowledgeable as they are, just like her (including her teachers). My reason of writing this note is what made my eyes wet. She says:

"As for me, I have vowed that if and when Wilders releases this film, the first thing I will do is pick up my Qur'an, kiss it as a symbol of the reverence it deserves from me, then sit down and read it for an hour."
My advise to all the Muslims in the world is the same and advertise it on the internet and everywhere on the available media. For the book 'deserves' the same from each and every Muslim in the world. So let there be
"a day of kiss and recite the book as a defence of Qur'an"
It may also require from Dr. Mattson a bit more as she has more responsibility as president of a large Muslim Organization (whatever her Shura decides to take any other step as an organization)

"THERE IS NO WEALTH LIKE INTELLIGENCE AND NO POVERTY LIKE IGNORANCE" (Nahjul-Balagha)

Sunday Surkhi--Kidney for sale

Since most Muslim countries are poor there is every exploitation seen by the "haves" to the "have-nots". Of course non-Muslim countries are also in the same game but we hear these things in the' first world' (opposed to third world) countries being news-worthy when these things happen in the Muslim countries.
Every now and again (As in today's paper) there are gruesome details reported about how some people take advantge from less advantaged so they can 'sell' their kidney or some other organ for a priice that can make a huge difference for the donor and a handsome source of income for the one who makes arrangement with a needy wealthy individual.
Islam advises and encourages organ donation with the strict addition that donor is NOT COMPENSATED. Sale of organs is HARAAM (prohibited). While it is painful to read such stories, there is a feeling of heart-rending for the poor person when he/she has to feed his family, not dis-similar to those women now in Iraq(you must have seen these reports in the media) who had never seen the streets before, are now obliged to go out to make some money to feed their families by selling their bodies (equally heart-rending). Who should be blamed?

"THERE IS NO WEALTH LIKE INTELLIGENCE AND NO POVERTY LIKE IGNORANCE" (Nahjul-Balagha)

Jum'ah Journal-- Spousal relationship

Uncommon wisdom is uncommon but common wisdom is also not common.
"Dear Lord! I pray for wisdom--to understand a man; for love--to forgive him; patience--for his moods: and because Lord, if I pray for strength I'll just beat him to death."
You get so many 'puns' in your 'junk email' that the above may not do anything more than causing a smile to appear on your face but if you think more seriously, this is no ordinary 'joke'. It indicates that they both (wife as well as husband) need love, patience and wisdom for a peaceful and loving atmosphere in a spousal relationship and not physical strength or for that matter a superiority/authority of some kind.
Well, although the above is relevant,I wanted to start with Sura Taghabun (64th) aya 14 and 15:
"O ye who believe! truly among your wives and your children are (some that are) enemies to yourselves; so beware of them! but if ye forgive and overlook and cover-up (their faults), verily Allah is oft-forgiving and most merciful"
"Your riches and your children may be but a trial, but in the Presence of Allah is the highest reward."
Just as the "pun' quoted above should be equally applicable for both spouses, so is the Aya quoted. Maudoodi Rahemahullah (Tafheemul-Qur'an) makes the point for both husband (H) and wife (W) and Asad Marhoom translates (Azwaaj) as spouse rather than wife, making a strong point that the aya stands for both H and W.
In explanations they all (Maudoodi, Asad, IBn-e-Kathir, Mufti M. Shafi rahemahullah and Uthmani etc.) describe the background for 'nuzool' and advise that your spouses are like enemy to you because their love for each other may drive one to unworthy acts or going against the Islamic teachings, so "beware". The next part of the aya--- From the Great merciful an advice that if you have been misled and find your spouse repenting forgive him/her for the sake of love and compassion (remember from S.30, aya 21). Be generous in forgiving and 'covering-up' and overlooking and that is also applicable to children but I wish to talk about child-parent relationship sepately, so I'll not say much about the 15th aya at present.
Now, go back to equal rights of women but the men have a small upper hand and also the physical or monetary superiority of H. Then see if you get angry with your spouse (that is not uncommon) keep that forgiving attitude (understandably difficult thing when you have lost temper (which is equal to losing your wits) thinking is never straight in that 'rage' (I know my own language abilities become severely limited and I mean something different although the word that comes out of my mouth is totally different) there may be a misjudged oratory explosion which will hurt both the listener as well as the orator.
There is hadeeth of the prophet when he asked who is the most powerful (strongest) man and on the suggestions of sahaba about a well-built wrestler, he said, "No, the man who can control his temper" or something like that (I am not quoting exact one)
Another hadeeth, "Best man (acchay akhlaq wala) is the one who is good to his family and I am the best among you" (not an exact quote again).
When two persons live together (like room-mates, for example who are also friends) they have certain rules by which they 'tolerate each other's excesses or cover each other's shortcomings'. The same rules are applicable in living together of H and W to some extent if not all.
Neither the man should consider it his priviledge or right that because he is stronger, is the 'bread-winner', provider for the family (Qawwam), must be 'obeyed' in everything by his wife or else 'beat her up' (this priviledge, although that is the last resort (stage)for the man in the case of a woman whose actions are demeaning to the family and to the man (and Only for that kind of behavior) three stages have been given by Allah in the oft-quoted aya (34 of S. Al-Nisaa).
Nor a woman should consider it her duty to (always)argue with H, just because she has equal rights so she must try to win the argument (in case she may be considered oppressed), nor should she take it upon herself that feminism means being arrogant and un-cooperative to her H.
A middly path is what will bring peace and tranquility in a home. Remember also that sometimes losing an argument for the sake love can save a marriage (or at least the peaceful and loving air in a home) than winning an argument and losing the marriage (or at least he peacful and loving air of a home). Remember that when you are living for a life-time a bad feeling that has resulted from losing an argument (or anything else) can be 'dangerous' for it does not necessarily go away. It may reappear in other forms or at later situations and moreover 'bad feelings' placed one on top of another while having a subliminal effect may reach a breaking threshold one day, with resultant 'explosion'.
An understanding between the two persons (spouses) must exist according to the temperaments of each other and no two spouses are excatly the same as another couple. What may be good for one couple may not be the same for another couple so please dont compare with other couples to justify one thing or the other. "Khuda punj angusht yaksan na kerd" (God did not make all five fingers equal)
Spouses should be friends as well as "king and Queen" of the house (not two kings or two queens with all powers vested in him or her) , both have equal powers but their spheres of weilding the powers are not necessarily the same. Some situations queen has more power and other situation the king has more power AND they consult with each other in everything. That is equal rights.
There should be a balance between the 'rights' and duties' imposed on each spouse. Always demanding 'right' can hurt the rights of the other spouse and reminding the other persons' duties is less fruitful than being mindful of one's own duties.
I cannot, of course, give all the examples and situations that one couple is likely to face in their lifetime but suffice it to say the above q uoted principles can go a long way to establish a stable and peaceful atmosphere in a home and thus a relatively happier home. Most problems at least in the beginning of a newly wed couple originate from an "image" that a H has of what a W should be like or a W has of what a H should be like and each one getting surprise on finding out, "Well, I did not know you could be like that". Unfortunately the composite "image" develops from here and there, from home (father/mother) or TV programs or movies dramas etc., stories with half truths and half fantacies etc. cultural background, personal dispositions and so on.
Leave your personal "Images" somewhere else, not in your home where you need to deal with your life-mate as he or she is (and not what he or she should be like)
With the exception of my personal example of temper, I have only given a dispassionate 'generic' system of spousal realtionship and not given anything from my vast and lengthy life-experience of thousands of couples I have known and had the occasion to ponder over them. How much I have succeeded in helping everybody only Allah knows and I had no other motive, so forgive me my dear reader, if I have hurt your feelings at some point or said something distasteful to your goodself and I ask for forgiveness from my Creator Almighty Allah for misunderstanding or misinterpreting his 'Aya' for what He means by an Aya only He knows best and my knowledge can never measure up to anything at all.
Next I wish to embark upon child-parent relations insha-Allah.

Sunday Surkhi--Accountability of Nurses?

There were quite a few letters and opinions, very valuable in today's paper. One was "nurse's accountability" which reminded me of something different.
I was a new 'doctor' and our routine was going round in the evening to see every patient and nurses would jot down the orders I will give orally in her book and carry them out afterwards. Now I was about to discharge a patient who had recovered from a viral pneumonia and was off all medications but when I came to his bed in the evening I found he had rise of temp.
I was perplexed as he had no reason to have a temp. after he had successfully recovered from his illness. While in that state of confusion I was discussing with my colleague as to why such fever should come back and the patient timidly said , "Sir may I talk with you about it?" O sure what is the matter, I said
"Sir, I was given the injection by the nurse that you had ordered for the next door patient". That was correct, I did order a TAB injection (Pyretogenic, for therapeutic purposes only).
Then he told me that he objected to the nurse giving him injection but she said she knows better, so I had to keep quiet.
he was athorough gentleman and very soft spoken. The nurse apologized, but we laughed and laughed about it later.

Jum'ah Jornal-- Polygamy and Islam III

As I promised, here is my last piece of note on this difficult subject.
Qur'an has given the options with strict instructions for behavior and as I looked at the advantages and disadvantages in practical life I was perplexed to find myself confronted with a situation having more disadvantages than advantages and basically everything depends on the attitudes of persons involved (Husband and all the wives and their families and children etc.)
Advantages of having more than one wife:
Man has more than one woman to love and share warmth of two 'homes'. (advatge?)
IF there is some shortcoming or something missing in one wife (like ability to have children) , the other may have compensatory things in it. But even if you have four of them you may still be "short" of something" (Remeber Qur'an's statement, "....Live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good." Nisaa, aya-19).
Another perhaps small advantage, when you have argument with one you may find solace in the other (possibly). Although when you truly love someone (I presumed you did when you got a second or third one), there is always room open for forgiveness and patching up.
So, from practical point of view there is not much advantage

Advantages for a woman as one of multiple wives:
Security of and assurance of having a husband even though "less than whole"
Sharing with other wives a life although it may be disadvantage more than advantage.
Really speaking there is no other advantage for woman, and whatever there appears to be is also more of a disadvantage than advantage (It is nothing more than a 'married state' from an unmarried one)

Disadvantages for man:
Maintaining more than one home with added expenditure. Has to by more than one of everything.
More children which may be both advatage as well as disadvantage depending upon how well-behaved they are.
Has to be on gurad all the time for the jealousy between the wives and would need to tolerate 'music' from more than one
When there is clear 'fighting' between two of them, how do you make adjustment or play what role, can be very exacting
More than one group of "In-laws" to deal with and of course the inlaws' visits which can be burdon-some to say the least.

I have presumed, here that wives and husband have mutual love each one of them and husband has enough money to maintain more than one 'home' (May be one large residence with more than one living quarters or more than one houses in the same area or different areas etc.)

Disadvantages for the wives:
Jealousy, a state that exists continuously is the most easily seen which may be intolerable for some (see my previous mentioning about the prophet's unhappiness for Fatima RA)
Sharing everything with other wives (other than the love of husband)
If one is unlucky to have inability to bear children, becomes a 'second-class wife'
Sharing children can be grounds for rift and unhappiness.

Now looking back (from practical point of view), I feel there is not a whole lot of advantage whereas there are more disadvantages for the man and of course there is even more disadvantage for the woman. I am therefore of the opinion to stick to one at a time only and find all the good things in her, you can enjoy and make 'sabr' for those you find 'missing' and there is no doubt in my mind that you get 'rewards for both, just as the wife can do the same and will be rewarded for her both attitudes.
That said, I now feel I am ready to talk about what is the best way to live together happily (Living with m'aroof method). Insha-Allah my next note.

Sunday Surkhi

Local newspaper carries a lot of information about how poorly the mental hospitals of this state are functioning and it makes for a sad news tearing our hearts.
Firstly the funding is poor and therefore staffing is inadequate
Secondly, the staff carry a poor morale with no exciting incentive to work
Third, There are problems of how the nursing or medical staff develope a sympathetic or empathetic attitude. These are very difficult patients and all of them do not necessarily invoke a feeling of "poor-thing-needs-to-feel-better" that one is driven to compassion for the ailing person. Nature of illness is different.
Repeated admissions work, sort of, against the poor patient (there he is, in again,!! must not have been taking pills as advised!!!)
And of course there are a host of other factors that result in poorer care of these patients, but the organisation and administration needs to learn from these complaints to make serious attempts at such radical changes that will make the life of the patient and his/her family better. The whole society suffers. The system needs a complete overhaul. The approach, the in patient vs. the outpatient and proper supervision of medications + increased medical specialist's involvement and supervision are some cost-effective ways of improving the situation. The older concept of "asylum" for the mentally impaired still lingers on.
Another "surkhi" is that of patients with ESRD (endstage renal disease) who are on dialysis and waiting for transplantation, as sson as a kidney becomes availble.
One good news, that number of transplants have increased (in USA) but still 'shortage' exists.
I feel that a more robust campaign for people to offer kidney donation (after death) is needed.
I have urged Muslims to take special interest in Kidney donations. Such donation itself is not haraam and infact encouraged by Islamic teachings as reward is like a "sadaqa" for the donor.

JUM'AH JOURNAL-- Polygamy and Islam

There is more about polygamy I wish to say but at this time I am only talking about the equality and inequality of sexes in in the marital bond.
I shall draw upon these ayat and I am quoting".....And the women shall have rights similar to the rights against them (husbands), according to what is equitable, but men have a degree (of advantage) over them and Allah is exalted in power and wise" (Baqarah, aya 228)
"Men are protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard...."
(Nisaa, Aya 34)
So on the one hand the rights of the wife are equal to those of the husband but husband's rights are a bit better because of his responsibilities of maintaining the family which may consist of wife, or wives and or children. he has to be the bread-winner because God made him capable of hard physical work. Now the women can also when trained do hard physical work but None of the William sisters can win Roger Federer. Yes, Bobby Riggs was defeated by Billy Jean King but the difference was obvious
Without going into the logistics and details of equality of the two sexes what I would like to say id:
Neither does a man suppress a woman because of his ' derjah' being higher because she has equal rights which he must respect. Nor does a woman try to over do in exerting her rights so that she ends up suppressing a man for that would encroach upon his rights.
A balance is what comes out of these ayat even when we consider the next aya of being obedient to the man and guarding his property etc. in his absence. This is not to mean that she obeys like a servent. There are situations however in the life when some serious decisions have to be made for the family that is where a man requires not only the help of the wife in making a better decision but also wife's 'obedience', the essential condition being it should be a matter within Islamic shariah and nothing against Islamic teachings.
We have examples from the life of the prophet SAWS when he asked for help and got it from wives. However he was a prophet and thus had additional 'superiority' therefore his conduct is associated with those of his characteristics specific to him as a man as well as a prophet but hat brings up the justice between wives question again so I shall restart another point.
What are the advantages and disadvantages of more than one wives both for the man and for the woman? I shall plan that on a paper and come back with a summery for you next week insha-Allah

Outsourcing

Whereas this (USA) is the greatest country in the world, and is still a land of opportunity, but some of the opportunities are being sent to people outside USA. 'Source-drain' in opposite direction.
We have ordered a local "Sunday only" newspaper. This Sunday's paper did not include a particular section we are very interested in, so we called and complained. Today we were called by one "supervisor" who said, "we have been told you want 5 previous (Sunday Editions) newspapares and we dont have them" My wife was extremely surprised (understatement) on the phone and told the supervisor she said no such thing and then she explained in simple English which he understood and said," We got the information from 'Phillipines' which made us think you want five papers. My wife asked, "Phillipines?"
Well, obviously the person from Phillipines did not understand English like you and I do. The supervisor also had a laugh. (May be he does not have much say in this matter of "outsourcing")
I know many of you are familiar with this "outsourcing" in other matters like some businesses or computers etc. when you call, you end-up talking to somebody in Dehli.
But local newspaper? That's outrageous!!!.
Next thing you know, you call a plumber when your garbage disposal gets clogged up and you find yourself talking to somebody in China.

JUM'AH JOURNAL--Polygamy and Islam

In my last comment of the blog's respomses, I raised a quesion,
"Would a man be doing wrong to a wife if he brings another wife without having any reason other than the fact he is allowed as a Muslim to have more than one wife" Or something to that effect.
Well, no response to it so far. Maybe my question is uncalled for or too dumb or too ticklish, whatever. No doubt, it is a serious question and needs more careful approach. Maybe blogistan is no place for such discussion.
I have no credentials of being a scholar. I am not very daring to tackle such tender question. I have lived in East and West and have my own ideas but I wish to state clearly that I have no inclination to annoy you or underestimate your intelligence and yet I am taking up such answer, call it naivety or foolishness. Like all others I do wish to pray to Allah to forgive me my inept understanding and guide me to the correct way. I also would like you to alert me on my misunderstandings or mis-interpretations.
No doubt you are all familiar with the ayat which allow Muslim male to have more than one wife and I'll encourage you to look at the translation and tafseer of 3rd aya of the 4th sura (Nisa) and then also look at last part of 19th aya and 21st aya of S. Room (30th sura).
There are more ayat for reference but let me talk about these today.
Injustice with orphan girls (by marrying one because of her riches to get away with a nominal Mahr) is prevented by the same aya which allows up to four (other women) to take as wives. There is justice necessary for each wife (equality in everything which may be next to impossible) and if unable to do so, only one wife. That does not necessarily mean it is 'impossible' for you to have more than one but it is almost correct which may also be considered exaggeration.
God has asked you to make life with a woman in a customarily and traditionally right and acceptable way keeping in mind the justice and balance of powers (what I understand with the word "m'aruf"). God has created 'love and compassion' between you so you seek tranquility with her. God describes man and woman as "Libas" (garment) for each other which is a good way of describing how man should cover her defects and she covers his defects to make them look nice (and feel good about each other).
It is understood that no two persons are equal and of absolutely perfect understanding so there is alway ground for difference of opinion, understanding and how one wants to handle a situation. To be honest with one another the two must have a compromise about the situation so that none of the two appears to be 'overpowering' just because he has"superiority of some kind or she has superiority of some kind" Man's superiority is spoken of more in Qur'an than that of woman's. I cant go into details but taking man's 'superiority' as such, does it allow him to aggressively seek obedience from wife and would it be "justice" (remember that is the most important part of man-woman realtionship in the marital bondage) If the man has "love and compassion" for the wife how should he make it out, certainly not by ruling with an iron fist.
I am sure you have many other examples and views but to answer that original question I feel with these understandings that the man will do wrong to his wife if he brings a second wife against her wishes. You are quite welcome to differ with me)
Also consider two examples here.
When the prophet SAWS heard that Ali RA wanted to marry daughter of Abu Jahl during the life of Fatima RA, he was upset and said openly that he would dislike it for her. Last part of his statement (reportedly in "Bokhari" kitabun-nikah).. "I do not permit it (3 times). If Ali divorces my daughter and marries their daughter he has the right. My daughter is part of myself. Whatever harms her harms me; whatever hurts her, hurts me"
Remember also that the prophet was married to Khadija RA for 25 or more years and did not think of taking a second wife even though it was customary in his times before and after the institution of his prophethood. (Ali RA did not marry again until after the death of Fatima RA)
Also, the prophet did not marry again until his wife (Khadija RA) died. Then also there were exceptions for him as Allah SWT says in S. 33 (Ahzab) aya 50.
I gess there are lessons here which support my feeling as expressed above.

Jum'ah Journal-Destiny

EACH BREATH THAT ONE TAKES IS A STEP TOWARD ONE"S DESTINY (Ali IBn-Abi Taalib RA)
The statement of Ali RA above refers to a constant rendezvous with death, a reminder of the inevitable 'destiny' for each living soul. What should we do when a deviant takes up the 'destiny' in his own hands.
Are we going to see this tendency of somebody getting the better of "security" screenings and going on a 'Campus Rampage' as a fad amongst the young students of today? OK you are fed up with your life but why take other non-willing innocents with you? No matter what the motive may be, but I am reminded of the statement of Pliny the Younger, "Popularity of a bad man is as treacherous as he himself". So much for the "popularity" motive that we saw before.
Would the world be less dangerous if the free availability of "weapons of individual destruction" is curtailed?

On growing a beard

Well, beard (or , for that matter, the mustache) is a natural consequence of getting into 'adult-hood', just the effect of those hormonal changes that according to one my friends is like "maila chiraghan" (of Lahore)---considering that there is rapid and great activity of so many changes in the human body, under the effects of various hormones.
But keeping a beard can also be indicative of being a Muslim, (like hijab of women) even though Jews do it too. Leaving aside the psychological, religious, philosophical or other -ogical remarks, I have my personal experiences to share with you (No doubt prompted by Shabana's hijab experience, but I had that in my mind for a long time, almost 27 years)
So when I stopped shaving beard on the second of Ramadhan in 1981, it was not just to be 'cool' or being 'modernist' butit was a well thought out project and preplanned. I had a lot of gray hair (actually white) on my head and I knew that beard is going to be 'white'
I attended a wedding in Pakistan in April (4th of my nephew and niece), after which I wanted to grow it and what other time would be better than the holy month of Ramadhan.
It started like this. In 1977 I had started reading (seriously) the life history of the prophet SAWS some by Muslim Authors and some by the non-Muslims ones. (May be at least five or six different ones, including M. Shibli N'umani's, which was a treat indeed) and the more I reflected on his life events (each writer has his own way of telling the event which remains the same) the more I fell in love with him (I know we are all supposed to love him) and somehwere along the line, at some point I started feeling an irresistible urge to grow beard and it was becoming more and more difficult for me to shave every day. (I'll leave this feeling to you to analyse but I am just being plain about exactly how I felt). I really heaved a sigh relief when I stopped shaving.
In that year I also performed my Hajj and so many people thought I did it because I was going for Hajj and that after that "fareedha" I should restart shaving. That is the first comment.
Other comments
"You want to look like Muhammad" (My friend and beighbor who was Jew)
"Mubarak ho Ahmad Bhai" (One community Muslim sister)
"You look like (the surgeon general), Dr. Everret Koope (Spelling?)"
"Are you trying to look like (the country singer) Kenny Rogers" (If I am not mistaken about the name, he had grown beard and had lot of hair on his head too)
"Hav'nt you lost a lot of weight, for a Santa" (Some passerby during Yuletide)
"A'int you wearing wrong colored suit,sir?" (I was wearing blue suit during Christmas time)
"Shave it now, I feel hesitant in introducing you as my classmate" (makes me look older?)
On 25th anniver. of my graduation I was strolling with other of my classmates in Bagh-e-Jinnah and somebody remarked' "Aisa lagta hai keh master saheb apni class ko liyay ja rahay hain"
"Aajkal darrhi rakhnay ka rawaj ho giya hai" (Onr of my bearded friends)
"Hey! that is a nice beard you have" and this or similar remarks I have been recieving about it ever since and from persons representing all ages and both sexes and in all kinds of situations. For example in my recent travels somebody walking down in the busy terminal looked at me and with his hands made some indication of my beard and smiling with a thumb-up sign (maybe he thought I did not understand English)
My beard can be almost like a "Rorschach test"

Jum'ah Journal--early

I will be out of town and may not get to writing anything.
Yes going to see Musa/Issa
I am going to start a project of writing on man/woman relationship. Yes will start from what Qur'an says but I wish to express bluntly some of the things with no specific reference to anybody including me, my family etc.
The first statement that I would let you reflect on:
There is no doubt Qur'an says that you can have up to four wives if you wish.
Under the West's influence though, most women (Muslims) would consider it as insult if a man has more than one wife. He would be looked down upon. Is that attitude right?
I will talk about the rest of the Qur'an's statement, later:
"if you cannot keep equality in treatment, ony one" This is not the exact aya but what is meant by that aya and of course you all know that 3rd aya of the fourth sura.