Jum'ah Journal- Children-parent relations

"Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him and that ye be kind to parents, whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them but address them in terms of honor." XVI, 23rd Aya
"And We have enjoined on Man (to be good) to his parents; in travail upon travail did his mother bear him and in years twain was his wearing:( hear the command) "Show gratitude to Me and to your parents; to Me is thy final goal. But if they strive to make thee join in worship with me things of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not; yet bear them company in this life with justice and consideration......." S. XXXI, ayat 14 and 15.
Really speaking these ayat contain the crux of the matter I wish to talk about. Starting from the last part. Child must obey parents in everything except if the parents ask him to commit 'shirk'. And then again not obeying in that does not mean you become mean to them but pass your life with them in a "ma'roof" way (when you are living with them as well as when you find yourself another home of your own with your own children and wife)
Obeying means listening to their demands and performing according to their wishes to their satisfaction. Child may have difference of opinion and does not want to obey according to the parental judgement (like, when grown up like teen age or older) and thinks his/her judgement is better. What to do?
Dont say "NO, you are wrong, I think......" Here is your 'terms of honour' that should come out and I dont want to teach you English in this note.
But obeying is extremely important just like it was when the child was learning to speak or learning to walk etc. and your mother or father were trying to guide you.
Unfortunately, in American culture and language commonly used "terms of honor" are scanty (may be currently ignored) and especially so with people who are around you most of the time of the day and night--the parents and who are constantly trying to guide you through your problems, which may appear to you as 'interfering with activities of the young'. Frequently heard , "O! dad, you dont know" or "You dont understand". Re member the story of S. Kahaf when Musa AS wanted to learn from Khidr AS. Some times it may appear to be wrong to you but may be better in the eyes of your parents. (Cant make enough story for 'obeying')
There is something more I wish to bring out that we the older persons know and the younger ones do not.
When we were children, we were allowed to sit in the company of olders for listening and learning AND to learn HOW TO SIT in the company of elders, parents, teachers etc., how to ask questions and what to learn. (Today's children 'hate' to sit with elders)
Times have changed and children dont get time to sit in the company of elders any more. If that was the only thing may be it was not so bad but what makes it worse is that THAT TIME IS SPENT with TV, Computer, Stereo and other 'spoiling type gadgets' of today. Whereas these things are designed to 'entertain' is OK but unfortunately in the process of entertaining they end-up 'teaching' bad attitudes, bad language, bad behavior etc.
O! yes, I am quite familiar with bad language and bad behavior that I learnt in my school and college days and yes there was occasional fellow trying to enjoy things like charas and bhang, but these persons were 'outlaws' type not the usual students with whom you would hang out with. I did not 'learn' these expressions to be part of my everyday use of terms but precisely, in order to avoid them. (Comparatives for culture and timings).
Showing gratitude to parents is mentioned here because you may think, "it is the duty of the parents to provide you with all comforts etc. anyway, so what is the big deal"
So the Almighty reminds us of the troubles taken by mother for bringing you into this world and nursing and nurturing you in which process she has to sacrifice all her pursuits whatever they may be. (That also gives a sign towards the well-known hadis of the prophet SAWS that mother has three times as much worthiness of your respect as your father).
Will come back next week insha-Allah for more if needed. Words of advice should be brief which is very difficult for me for two reasons
I dont have as much command on English (or for that matter in other languages either)
I am not wise enough (old yes, but not wise as much as I would like to be in this discussion).
May Allah bless you. If your parents are not in this world, pray for them today.