Jum'ah Journal-- Parenting in USA

I have made some remarks about parent's responsibilities in my blogs of 2/27, 3/11 and 3/16/07 where I was talking about life before birth especially from Islamic view-point.
Today I would like to remind everyone of you/us about what parenting involves in the USA (or for that matter in the West in general). This is about Islamic attitudes but they are good for all the peoples for following and comparing.
Start with 15th Aya of S. Taghabun "Your riches and your children may be but a trial: but in the presence of Allah is the highest award." Same words are noted in S. 8th, aya 28.
Caution being given by the Almighty is the same that worldly goods and provisions for the family (for the love of children) should not tempt you to transgress and betray the pure values and morals being taught. So Assad (Rahemahullah) uses two words to translate 'fitna': trial and temptation.
Here first thing to note is that gathering 'worldly goods and riches' is not being frowned upon but what is being frowned upon is attachment to these two (and wives) things where you may forget your Creator and end up doing something wrong. Another similar aya is from S. Munafiqun 63rd sura, aya #9, "O ye who believe let not your riches or your children divert you from rememberance of Allah....." making it clear where is the parent's priority.
Yes, so it is the duty of Muslim man (wife may help, add, assist if needed or desired), to provide for the family. Love your children and everything you do for them to feed them clothe them provide home for them provide education for them for that love equally between boys and girls.
So far so good but the word education is being use here with more comprehensive meaning including "terbiyat" (English equivalents such as training, bringing-up etc. fall short of the whole meaning of "terbiyah"-in Arabic). As I had indicated before this responsibility starts even before birth of the child and both parents are responsible, mother's responsibility of the all important "terbiyat" (including education) is more (That is her duty and the father helps, adds, assists etc.)
She nurses and nurtures, inculcate in them the values of life to the best of her ability teaching them how to speak, how to respect, how to avoid bad words, how to understand difficulties of life and how to face them, how to solve those problems that arise in the schools and peers, how to stay away from bad influences in the society. What to enjoy on the TV shows and how to sort out which one not to watch and what games to play along with how to choose friends.
There are so amny 'how-to s" that parents guide their children with but that is what is the difficulty with parents--father and mother, both must promote and teach the same values.
Make a balance between time with parents, time with computers, time with telephones and time with TV. It is not possible to avoid these devices which can be both a valuable source of learning as well as sources of spoiling and corrupting the children. Let me assure you they will surely get corrupted unless you guide them closely, very closely indeed. Both of you have PLENTY OF TIME for your children for guiding them and talking to them about their problems in school or college or Universities or after their games, sports etc. father has no excuse because he has to work or watch his fav. games on TV and mother has no excuse that she has work to do (house work or her own office or carrier to follow). The more time the parents spend with children talking and explaining to them, less they will have chances of feeling sorry. Dining table is excellent for discussions. Never consider your child's statements outrageous, or childish or lacking experience. Let them express fully what ever they want to talk about; they will feel encouraged for talking only if they think their parents are as 'cool' as they themselves are.
The modern day gadgetry has made available to the children astonishing world, that opens up everything mixed good and bad, terrible and terrific, I think you know what I a m saying.
Even without all these things (like it was , say 50, 60 years ago) it was a difficult job for the parents always for all the sacrifices they have to make but now it is so much more difficult that I dont know how to encompass all the aspects for guidance for today's parents.
Take an example: children get up late, get ready, quick breakfast (including the parents) and rush to the schools. After school, children are in 'their room', equipped with TV, computer and not to mention the cell phones. They have fun with all these things and are busy. Dinner time mama calls them down, they come down, rush through the food and up they go again, dont have any time for talking to the "older people". However, it is dangerous to have an attitude of letting them make their own way "because they are going to do it anyway why try to stop them" and equally misguided would be the attitude of not having a TV or a computer at home etc. (the neighbour or a friend always has it) in order to avoid exposure of the child to all the bad things. Remember if the child has the feeling that communication channels with the parents are open any time, they will make use of that otherwise they dont have to :
because they get all their instructions of values from TV shows (I am not naming them), how to be 'smart' with parents and how to have a ready made answer to every question that some mother or father may have. Here I have to mention a bit of Eastern culture thing where the parents are given more respect along with the language differences. (American English does not have anything for respect for elders except "sir" or "Madame"
Admittedly the situation with these machines of today is very challanging for parents and hugely more difficult along with lesser times that today's parents have themselves from their jobs and specifically when both parents work (come back home tired and only want to relax in front of that fav. box). Even if one parent does not work outside, the situation remains very challanging and just as difficult, and of course that is understandable, but there is no gain in neglecting the "duty". Parenting is hard work, folks and that is an understatement.
You do your best and leave the results with the All Wise and Watcher over us. I'll end this note with the often quoted saying of the prophet SAWS (not exact again), "A child is born on fitrah of Islam, but the parents make him/her Christian, Jew or Majusi" Take it in this way then, that the child came into your life with a clean slate or a connected computer with no hardware or software, and you provide the hardware and software programs to this "computer", so dont let other software programs take advantge of the child in your care.
I may have made it look simple but I assure you I am fully aware of all the difficulties we as parents experience and I dont wish to be reckoned with as a preacher of some sort. I am myself not the ideal parent either, I know full well. I am just one of you all, no better and perhaps worse than many of you. Now I'll be ready for the children's duties and obligations insha-Allah

"THERE IS NO WEALTH LIKE INTELLIGENCE AND NO POVERTY LIKE IGNORANCE" (Nahjul-Balagha)