JUM'AH JOURNAL-- Polygamy and Islam

There is more about polygamy I wish to say but at this time I am only talking about the equality and inequality of sexes in in the marital bond.
I shall draw upon these ayat and I am quoting".....And the women shall have rights similar to the rights against them (husbands), according to what is equitable, but men have a degree (of advantage) over them and Allah is exalted in power and wise" (Baqarah, aya 228)
"Men are protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard...."
(Nisaa, Aya 34)
So on the one hand the rights of the wife are equal to those of the husband but husband's rights are a bit better because of his responsibilities of maintaining the family which may consist of wife, or wives and or children. he has to be the bread-winner because God made him capable of hard physical work. Now the women can also when trained do hard physical work but None of the William sisters can win Roger Federer. Yes, Bobby Riggs was defeated by Billy Jean King but the difference was obvious
Without going into the logistics and details of equality of the two sexes what I would like to say id:
Neither does a man suppress a woman because of his ' derjah' being higher because she has equal rights which he must respect. Nor does a woman try to over do in exerting her rights so that she ends up suppressing a man for that would encroach upon his rights.
A balance is what comes out of these ayat even when we consider the next aya of being obedient to the man and guarding his property etc. in his absence. This is not to mean that she obeys like a servent. There are situations however in the life when some serious decisions have to be made for the family that is where a man requires not only the help of the wife in making a better decision but also wife's 'obedience', the essential condition being it should be a matter within Islamic shariah and nothing against Islamic teachings.
We have examples from the life of the prophet SAWS when he asked for help and got it from wives. However he was a prophet and thus had additional 'superiority' therefore his conduct is associated with those of his characteristics specific to him as a man as well as a prophet but hat brings up the justice between wives question again so I shall restart another point.
What are the advantages and disadvantages of more than one wives both for the man and for the woman? I shall plan that on a paper and come back with a summery for you next week insha-Allah

Outsourcing

Whereas this (USA) is the greatest country in the world, and is still a land of opportunity, but some of the opportunities are being sent to people outside USA. 'Source-drain' in opposite direction.
We have ordered a local "Sunday only" newspaper. This Sunday's paper did not include a particular section we are very interested in, so we called and complained. Today we were called by one "supervisor" who said, "we have been told you want 5 previous (Sunday Editions) newspapares and we dont have them" My wife was extremely surprised (understatement) on the phone and told the supervisor she said no such thing and then she explained in simple English which he understood and said," We got the information from 'Phillipines' which made us think you want five papers. My wife asked, "Phillipines?"
Well, obviously the person from Phillipines did not understand English like you and I do. The supervisor also had a laugh. (May be he does not have much say in this matter of "outsourcing")
I know many of you are familiar with this "outsourcing" in other matters like some businesses or computers etc. when you call, you end-up talking to somebody in Dehli.
But local newspaper? That's outrageous!!!.
Next thing you know, you call a plumber when your garbage disposal gets clogged up and you find yourself talking to somebody in China.

JUM'AH JOURNAL--Polygamy and Islam

In my last comment of the blog's respomses, I raised a quesion,
"Would a man be doing wrong to a wife if he brings another wife without having any reason other than the fact he is allowed as a Muslim to have more than one wife" Or something to that effect.
Well, no response to it so far. Maybe my question is uncalled for or too dumb or too ticklish, whatever. No doubt, it is a serious question and needs more careful approach. Maybe blogistan is no place for such discussion.
I have no credentials of being a scholar. I am not very daring to tackle such tender question. I have lived in East and West and have my own ideas but I wish to state clearly that I have no inclination to annoy you or underestimate your intelligence and yet I am taking up such answer, call it naivety or foolishness. Like all others I do wish to pray to Allah to forgive me my inept understanding and guide me to the correct way. I also would like you to alert me on my misunderstandings or mis-interpretations.
No doubt you are all familiar with the ayat which allow Muslim male to have more than one wife and I'll encourage you to look at the translation and tafseer of 3rd aya of the 4th sura (Nisa) and then also look at last part of 19th aya and 21st aya of S. Room (30th sura).
There are more ayat for reference but let me talk about these today.
Injustice with orphan girls (by marrying one because of her riches to get away with a nominal Mahr) is prevented by the same aya which allows up to four (other women) to take as wives. There is justice necessary for each wife (equality in everything which may be next to impossible) and if unable to do so, only one wife. That does not necessarily mean it is 'impossible' for you to have more than one but it is almost correct which may also be considered exaggeration.
God has asked you to make life with a woman in a customarily and traditionally right and acceptable way keeping in mind the justice and balance of powers (what I understand with the word "m'aruf"). God has created 'love and compassion' between you so you seek tranquility with her. God describes man and woman as "Libas" (garment) for each other which is a good way of describing how man should cover her defects and she covers his defects to make them look nice (and feel good about each other).
It is understood that no two persons are equal and of absolutely perfect understanding so there is alway ground for difference of opinion, understanding and how one wants to handle a situation. To be honest with one another the two must have a compromise about the situation so that none of the two appears to be 'overpowering' just because he has"superiority of some kind or she has superiority of some kind" Man's superiority is spoken of more in Qur'an than that of woman's. I cant go into details but taking man's 'superiority' as such, does it allow him to aggressively seek obedience from wife and would it be "justice" (remember that is the most important part of man-woman realtionship in the marital bondage) If the man has "love and compassion" for the wife how should he make it out, certainly not by ruling with an iron fist.
I am sure you have many other examples and views but to answer that original question I feel with these understandings that the man will do wrong to his wife if he brings a second wife against her wishes. You are quite welcome to differ with me)
Also consider two examples here.
When the prophet SAWS heard that Ali RA wanted to marry daughter of Abu Jahl during the life of Fatima RA, he was upset and said openly that he would dislike it for her. Last part of his statement (reportedly in "Bokhari" kitabun-nikah).. "I do not permit it (3 times). If Ali divorces my daughter and marries their daughter he has the right. My daughter is part of myself. Whatever harms her harms me; whatever hurts her, hurts me"
Remember also that the prophet was married to Khadija RA for 25 or more years and did not think of taking a second wife even though it was customary in his times before and after the institution of his prophethood. (Ali RA did not marry again until after the death of Fatima RA)
Also, the prophet did not marry again until his wife (Khadija RA) died. Then also there were exceptions for him as Allah SWT says in S. 33 (Ahzab) aya 50.
I gess there are lessons here which support my feeling as expressed above.

Jum'ah Journal-Destiny

EACH BREATH THAT ONE TAKES IS A STEP TOWARD ONE"S DESTINY (Ali IBn-Abi Taalib RA)
The statement of Ali RA above refers to a constant rendezvous with death, a reminder of the inevitable 'destiny' for each living soul. What should we do when a deviant takes up the 'destiny' in his own hands.
Are we going to see this tendency of somebody getting the better of "security" screenings and going on a 'Campus Rampage' as a fad amongst the young students of today? OK you are fed up with your life but why take other non-willing innocents with you? No matter what the motive may be, but I am reminded of the statement of Pliny the Younger, "Popularity of a bad man is as treacherous as he himself". So much for the "popularity" motive that we saw before.
Would the world be less dangerous if the free availability of "weapons of individual destruction" is curtailed?

On growing a beard

Well, beard (or , for that matter, the mustache) is a natural consequence of getting into 'adult-hood', just the effect of those hormonal changes that according to one my friends is like "maila chiraghan" (of Lahore)---considering that there is rapid and great activity of so many changes in the human body, under the effects of various hormones.
But keeping a beard can also be indicative of being a Muslim, (like hijab of women) even though Jews do it too. Leaving aside the psychological, religious, philosophical or other -ogical remarks, I have my personal experiences to share with you (No doubt prompted by Shabana's hijab experience, but I had that in my mind for a long time, almost 27 years)
So when I stopped shaving beard on the second of Ramadhan in 1981, it was not just to be 'cool' or being 'modernist' butit was a well thought out project and preplanned. I had a lot of gray hair (actually white) on my head and I knew that beard is going to be 'white'
I attended a wedding in Pakistan in April (4th of my nephew and niece), after which I wanted to grow it and what other time would be better than the holy month of Ramadhan.
It started like this. In 1977 I had started reading (seriously) the life history of the prophet SAWS some by Muslim Authors and some by the non-Muslims ones. (May be at least five or six different ones, including M. Shibli N'umani's, which was a treat indeed) and the more I reflected on his life events (each writer has his own way of telling the event which remains the same) the more I fell in love with him (I know we are all supposed to love him) and somehwere along the line, at some point I started feeling an irresistible urge to grow beard and it was becoming more and more difficult for me to shave every day. (I'll leave this feeling to you to analyse but I am just being plain about exactly how I felt). I really heaved a sigh relief when I stopped shaving.
In that year I also performed my Hajj and so many people thought I did it because I was going for Hajj and that after that "fareedha" I should restart shaving. That is the first comment.
Other comments
"You want to look like Muhammad" (My friend and beighbor who was Jew)
"Mubarak ho Ahmad Bhai" (One community Muslim sister)
"You look like (the surgeon general), Dr. Everret Koope (Spelling?)"
"Are you trying to look like (the country singer) Kenny Rogers" (If I am not mistaken about the name, he had grown beard and had lot of hair on his head too)
"Hav'nt you lost a lot of weight, for a Santa" (Some passerby during Yuletide)
"A'int you wearing wrong colored suit,sir?" (I was wearing blue suit during Christmas time)
"Shave it now, I feel hesitant in introducing you as my classmate" (makes me look older?)
On 25th anniver. of my graduation I was strolling with other of my classmates in Bagh-e-Jinnah and somebody remarked' "Aisa lagta hai keh master saheb apni class ko liyay ja rahay hain"
"Aajkal darrhi rakhnay ka rawaj ho giya hai" (Onr of my bearded friends)
"Hey! that is a nice beard you have" and this or similar remarks I have been recieving about it ever since and from persons representing all ages and both sexes and in all kinds of situations. For example in my recent travels somebody walking down in the busy terminal looked at me and with his hands made some indication of my beard and smiling with a thumb-up sign (maybe he thought I did not understand English)
My beard can be almost like a "Rorschach test"

Jum'ah Journal--early

I will be out of town and may not get to writing anything.
Yes going to see Musa/Issa
I am going to start a project of writing on man/woman relationship. Yes will start from what Qur'an says but I wish to express bluntly some of the things with no specific reference to anybody including me, my family etc.
The first statement that I would let you reflect on:
There is no doubt Qur'an says that you can have up to four wives if you wish.
Under the West's influence though, most women (Muslims) would consider it as insult if a man has more than one wife. He would be looked down upon. Is that attitude right?
I will talk about the rest of the Qur'an's statement, later:
"if you cannot keep equality in treatment, ony one" This is not the exact aya but what is meant by that aya and of course you all know that 3rd aya of the fourth sura.

An unexpected pleasure

I am inspired by "zindagi ki diary"
Long time ago I went to visit a friend of mine in Nowshehra (About 30 miles or so south of Peshawar, while I was in Peshawar at that time)
My friend was in the Army and this was my very first visit to Nowshera. I got off the train and hired a Tonga. It was almost maghrib time and I was told his place was not too far from the R'Station. Tonga kept going on the road and I was not getting anything suggesting his type of place.
I was somewhat scared too, so I asked the Tongawala to stop and let me ask someone. These were all residential areas.
I went down to a house knocked at the door and a gentleman came out who was quite stranger to me. I told him I am looking for a friend of mine who is captain so and so, where can i find his residence?
He surprised me by saying, he is sitting in side. I could not believe.
It turned out he was indeed a friend of Captain so and so. I had never met, did'nt know about this gentleman and my captain friend indeed was sitting in their house as he was invited there. (Capt so and so and myself were both single at the time. My Capt friend died a few years later, May Allah bless his soul)
Marvel at this coincidence.

ROORRI

You can throw your trash anywhere in the city, but see the warning here which may have gone un-noticed perhaps but people throw inspite of such warnings, maybe the spelling mistake of "su'ar' is purposeful to reduce the intended effect of fourletter word. (for those who dont read Urdu- Thrower of trash here is a dog and a son of swine-- Su'ar is with seen to be correct but here it is written with suad)
Some explanations are however warranted.
The title is unpleasant if you are familiar with Panjabi. I have these pictures for explanation.
Like you are going around anywhere in any city or village or town in Pakistan (and probably in India too) and you come across a pile of rubbish, refuse on a street corner as you see in the lower one. (Has nothing to do with the political ad you see on the wall although it may strike some similarity in 'spirit').
"Roorri" is not hindi-urdu word and I dont know the exact etymological explanation for it. It stands for a place where all refuse (Koorra kerkut) is dumped but not the dust-bin or trash-can which is what we see in other countries. This particular "roorri' is in Model Town Gujranwala (generally considered a new and 'better' part of town) and the upper one is in Lahore (there are many in Lahore I saw even in relatively more expensive areas).
All kind of trash etc. is thrown 'conveniently' regardless of its imediate or later odorific emanations which are evidently diluted in the whole area/city vapor.
Since the invention of cellophane bags the bags have come to occupy a lot of space on the "roorri". They are, as expected, frequently explored by stray dogs and cats and area poultry representatives including some passing pigeons who may find some'eatables' there. No doubt their beaks exercising abilities and deftful and exploratory use of claws do a restructuring of the (once recognizable) bags. For flies that is a clear jannat where they breed and feed and reproduce profusely.
Why do we have that in Pakistan?
Well, there is occasional removal of this trash by the city management on some chhakra or Lorry or some such vehicle which only encourages the residents to refil it again at their own free will. Most street corners are 'decorated' with these unsightly sights and I find them unchanged year after year. Is there no other better way of trash disposal? Could all inhabitants of Pakistan be educated about this?
Would welcome your comments and suggestions even if it is just to amuse ourselves like 'khayali pulao'

Jum'ah Journal--Recent Trip to Pakistan-II

I was feeling feverish while sitting with my friend and decided to come home (my sister's home) maybe it was around 8pm in Lahore. My ride dropped me off and I rang the bell----- no answer. Rang several times and then gave up. God! what am I going to do. I felt really sick and weak There was no light and one car was not there so I thought maybe they are out (My hearing is very bad so I did not hear anything inside). I felt I was going to collapse and started praying I dont fall down in the street. People were coming and going. I must have waited a good 15-20 minutes in that very miserable condition trembling all over when suddenly the lights came on. It had not occured to me that there may be load-shedding (Well, how could it be?) When I realized that, I rang the bell again and sure enough there were everybody inside. I just wanted to get into bed after I took a couple of tablets of Panadol (Tylenal).   

Woke up next day feeling much better. I was obviously not used to this load-shedding timings, but when you live in Pakistan you consider it to be OK and get used to it In addition, due to Benazir's death and 'riots' afterwards the load-shedding timings had increased so that the lights were more off than on. Yes it is very inconvenient in all weathers cold or hot. People like me going there for a visit experience this as strange and annoying, in fact clearly anger-inducing, but nobody can do anything. Year after year people live like that. I have been hearing about kalabagh dam or gorabagh dam or something (No insult intended for Nawab Kalabagh marhoom). Surely after 60 years one expects such basic necessities to be provided. The population has doubled and Politicians are still fighting for their chairs rather than working for the provision of basic necessities of common man. Gas was also being load-shedded, so people had to cook in time if they used gas stoves. Now, I should'nt be complaining, I grew up in the village with no electricity and I used coal-filled iron for my clothes and I was quite happy. America (or the West) has spoiled my habits, I guess.